Wednesday, 14 July 2010

The Noble Knight of Newcastle

******The Noble Knight of Newcastle******

How, officer - will y' lerruz threw,
Coz man.....av a chikken fur Murty t' chew.
It's canny - it's jus' the trick,
It's Asda's speshul:- Lemon 'n' Gar-lick

Ahhh..c'mon - lerruz past!
Ah dinna fear th' shotgun's blast.
Why, ahl put an end t' this saga,
Wiv these bonny cans o' lager.

Constabble, pleez hear ma appeal,
Relax thish cold ring o' steel....
Av got me rod - be in nur doubt,
Me 'n' Murty - we'll catch some trout.

Aww, copper, be a mate,
Let me save Murty frum 'is fate.
Ahl tell 'im he cannat hang,
An' if he's good he'll....[[BANG!!]]

Ahh fuhk..waasat gan up in th' air?
It luks like a bit o' ginger hair. luks like Murty's stricken,
Ermm.....wudya like sum lager....'n' sum chikken?
(First posted to newsgroup ukpm 14 July 2010)

Wednesday, 29 April 2009

Lenny Henry "feared still alive"....

" I demand preferential treatment, or I'll give you black this....I can keep this up y' d'y think I got this far...?"

Reports just in, suggest that Lenny Henry, the chippy, politically correct and unfunny "comedian" is still alive.

Monday, 2 March 2009

African Union appoints "Finance Advisor to HM Treasury"

Mr Robert Mugabe, on his appointment as the AU's Financial Advisor to HM Treasury

"Hello to ahl de good folks uf de Yoo Kay. It's mee agin, Bobby Mugabe. Yoo may rememba me from mah appointment las' year as Demoacracy Advisor to de Eee Yoo"

"Well, eet look like mah talents is wanted agin, dis tahm in Inger-land. Auld Gor-don Brohn 'as managed to get heemself in a tereeble mess wid hees econu-me."

"Ah mus' admeet dat ah wuz a beet apree-henseev abut tekin' up de pohst in de furst instant, as affairs in Zimbabwe is nod, ahem ....exactlee 'ideal'. But, wen ah express dis senti-ment to de chairman of de African Uni-yon, he dispel mah fears stret away; "ha, ha Bobby" he say, "wen you see wot a totahl shambils auld Brohn hes med uf de Yoo Kay econu-me, yoo weel see yoo hev nothin' t' fear, mah auld frend". And as dey seh;"in de kingdum uf de blind, de wun eyed man ees king". Needless t' seh, ahm bein' meta-phorical here".

"Ah med a ini-shall inspection uf de facks abaht de econu-me uf de yoo kay, and mah frends, de news ees nod gud. Dere ees a catalog uf dredful meestakes goin' back many years".

"Led me tell yoo som-ting peepel; wen yoo sell gohld, yoo do eet verry quietly……sshhhh… Wen ah sell mah contree’s gohld, ah tell nearly nobodee. Nod even mah Finance Meenister! Ah onlee tell Grace, an' she decide wut t' pay forrit and where it go afterward. Den ah decide wut t' doo wid de funds uf de sale an' where dey go afterward. Yoo do nod jump around sayin' "look at me!, look at me!, ahm sellin' gohld!, ahm sellin' gohld!..." an' mekin' a gret noise like a big scotch elly-phant, so ahl de buyer form a ring at de auction, an' make love wid yoo frum behind. And annuder ting, yoo only sell de gohld wen de gohld price is high and nod low. Really peepel, dis ees Janet an' John eco-nomics, nod rokket science".

“Ah ahlreddy know wut ees de forst ting ah must takkel wen ah goes t’ Inger-lund t’ sorht out ahl de finan-cial probber-lems; image. Image ees very import-tant in de govern-ment. De rascal Blair know wut it meen, but ah tink auld Brohn perraps need som guidance. Yoo see, a contree’s Finance Meenister ees a very import-tant memba uf de govern-ment. Hee hev t’ meet wid udder import-tant peepel frum udder contrees an’ eet ees verry import-tant dat he ees taken seri-owsly. Mekin’ a joke nahme like “Darling” ess funny wen yoo twelve year auld, but nod wen yoo a Finance Meenister. Wen ah furst hear he call heemself “Darling”, ah thowt mebbee he ees doin’ unspeakable tings together wid dat filthy degener-rate, Mandel-sohn. Ahm afred der ees no room in a govern-ment for a man who do nod respec’ hees own po-sition, to de ex-tend dat he mek a joke name fur heemself an’ think it funny t’ cum t’ wark in de mornin’ med up t’ luk like a badger.”

“Ah weel hev sum more advice fer Meester Brohn wen ah see heem on mah ah-rival in Inger-land. Buht dat ken wate for de next tahm ah tahlk t’ yoo gud fohlks here on meester Tohd’s blog.”

Too-del pip!

Bobby Mugabe

Tuesday, 20 January 2009

Bullshitting Europhile

"I disapprove of a referendum. I do think it is a serious blow to the sovereignty of Parliament. MPs are elected to give line-by-line detailed scrutiny to documents of this kind."

This from the man who so enthusiastically endorsed the Maastricht Treaty and then subsequently admitted he hadn't read it.

Thursday, 11 September 2008

Stupifying arrogance......

It would appear that Ireland is to hold another referendum on the Constitution Lisbon treaty;

"EU officials expect Ireland to hold second Lisbon Treaty referendum"

It seems the Irish Times thinks the "no" voters are just victims of their own simple-mindedness;

"Failure to understand Lisbon the key reason for No vote"

"THE DIFFICULTY faced by the Government in getting the Lisbon Treaty passed in a second referendum has been underlined by its own research which found that a significant number of people did not understand what they were voting on last June.
An opinion poll commissioned by the Government found that 42 per cent of people cited a lack of knowledge, information or understanding of the treaty as the reason for voting No. It was by far the most significant reason given for voting against the treaty."

This fails to address the fact that many of the "yes" voters will have not understood the document either and may have voted "no" if they had. It also fails to explain that the document was not meant to be understood;

“The Lisbon Treaty itself cannot be understood by ordinary citizens since it can be understood only by also reading the treaties which it amends. . . The institutional proposals of the constitutional treaty – the only things which mattered for the members of the European Convention – are in the Lisbon treaty in their entirety but in a different order and inserted into previous treaties. - What is the purpose of this subtle manoeuvre? First and above all to escape from the constraint of having to hold a referendum by dispersing the articles and by renouncing the constitutional vocabulary.”

The Treaty's author, Valerie Giscard d’Estaing, writing in Le Monde, 26 October 2007.

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Harriet Harperson - dangerous lunatic......

The ideological mechanoid pictured above has now - I believe - cashed in on Brown's current vunerability. The raving man-hater is pushing through legislation, which on the face of it, should be applicable to both men and women. But just listen to the mad cow as she describes the legislation in the video clip below. There is a short ad in the first few seconds;
This a barrister and cabinet minister explaining a change in the law. Tell me she isn't unhinged. What a ghastly woman. She typifies the Far-Left's doctrinal contempt for the concept of "human nature". She is the embodiment of undiluted 1970's Leftist campus orthodoxy - relationships between genders, races, ages and cultures, in society and at work, need to be controlled and dictated by the State. Free, Libertarian societies are a dangerous risk, which are too vunerable to the human weaknesses like "merit", "shame", "family" and "tradition". Harriet has conquered and quarantined these weaknesses and emotions and has replaced them with a set of cold, inert rules.
First posted on UKPM

Wednesday, 23 July 2008

Bloody stoodents.......

....I don't know what the world's coming to!
Now if Tracey Emin had constructed this masterpiece and called it "throne on phone" or somesuchother very, very clever title, we'd be looking at about £350,000 here.