Africa appoints its "Democracy Advisor to the EU"

Mr Robert Mugabe, Africa's democracy envoy to the EU

In his first statement after his appointment, the African Congress's "Democracy Envoy", Mr. Robert Mugabe, rails against the filmsy facade of democracy within the EU;

"Well, whut can ah seh abouht de recent develope-ments in de Eee Yoo? Ah am verry concerned abouht de stetments ah am heerin' concerning de ignorin' uf the will uf th' I-reesh peepul an' dat uf de rest uf der Eee Yoo. Dey, toogever wid de Frenge an' de Duts are de onlee pepul out uf narely 480 million who wuz allowed to vote for dis fuhndamental chenge in de way dey are guvund. Dis is quite deesgraceful. First de Frenge an' de Duts are treeted wid contempt, an' now it is de I-reesh who are cast aside.

Ahm afred t' report that dis ees nod de furst tahm thut thees hus happened. De Eee Yoo hes a terreeble record in dis respec'. Ah reamemba wen de Danish peepul sed dey did not weesh to agree to the Massed-tricked treety. Dey wuz called donkeys an' med to vot again, until de Eee Yoo got eets de-sired result. Den de voting stopped.

De I-reesh also were med t' feel like donkeys efter de Neece Treety and med to vot again, until de Eee Yoo got eets de-sired result. Den de voting stopped.

But what most Africans cannot understend, is how most uf de peepul uf de Eee Yoo get no vot at ahl in dis verry import-tant matter.

On top of ahl uf dis, the functionin' uf de whole place in Brussels is a compleet farce, in de democratic terms. De electid membas of parly-ament is just a load uf emptee suits which jus' nod dare heads like de Churchill Insurans doggy, while un-elected be-urocrats mek ahl de reel desissions abouht laws an' udder things which dictate de lives uf ahl the poor peepul uf de Eee Yoo.

I tink ah hev much work t' do here. Ah will not rest unteel ah hev raised de standards uv democracy in de Eee Yoo to present African levels.

An' ken yoo imajine ma surprise dis year, wen de cheeky divils seh "we wants to send election moni-tors" to mah contree, Zimbabwe?? Eet almost beggars de believe!"