Friday, 27 June 2008

Why won't people do as I say?

I am always very wary of campaigns against companies like Tesco and MacDonalds. There is an inherent motive of envy and a tendency to vilify the successful, amongst "virtuous" people like HFW.

Having enjoyed his TV series, I bought his book. In the introduction, he says we should change the way we look at food. We should move our perspective on food "a little bit to the Left", advises Hugh. After my initial disappointment that he should use food for politics and out of context too, I then thought that perhaps Hugh could broadcast his next food odyssey from N. Korea or Cuba. Hmmm......rice avec potato et eau.

Nearly all "wailing campaigns" against large corporations ignore the fact that they got where they are because people have effectively endorsed them through personal choice. The avalanche of food programmes and books that have been produced all have one common theme; buy quality organic food. It is inconceivable that anyone could have escaped this advice, given the airtime and print volume that's carried it over the last 30 years. Yet people still buy carrots and potatoes in tins, not because they're cheaper that way, but because they are too lazy to prepare the vegetables themselves.

In the same way that the egregious Morgan Spurlock conducted an entire documentary on the basis that the individual has no personal responsibility whatsoever, Hugh is targetting Tesco, because the public won't listen to him and choose instead to continue endorsing Tesco - a form of democracy that Hugh doesn't like. How very socialist.

Tuesday, 17 June 2008

Alcohol is not the problem...'s the low-life you put the alcohol in.

Restricting the sale of alcohol in supermarkets to those over 21, is just another example of the government failing to grasp the nettle and tackle the real (and difficult) problem. Papering over the cracks, as it were. And it also gives out the subliminal message that the individual is not to blame, but the alcohol is.

And there lies the problem - a lack of personal responsibility. If you get drunk and you know that causing trouble will land you a custodial sentence, no matter what sob-story you give the magistrate, then you are much more likely to take responsibility for your behaviour. However, this would involve building more prisons, courts, police stations and recruiting all the people to run them. The type of people who run Britain's government, are the same people who say things like "what kind of society locks up its people?", whilst wringing their hands in the comfort of some cosy London bistro. A stroll around Leeds city centre in the early hours of Saturday night, would soon disabuse them about what sort of society doesn't lock up it's people.

I have heard senior police officers state categorically that alcohol is to blame for inner city fighting on Friday and Saturday nights. Well, every now and then, events come up which have the secondary effect of producing a huge social experiment. Such an event was last Autumn's Rugby World Cup. 200,000 English fans out of a total of 1.8 million fans overall, descended on France and drank the place dry over a space of six weeks. Where was the fighting?

Good natured drinkers enjoy England success in Paris and help to explode the myth that alcohol is to blame for violence.

Friday, 13 June 2008

Africa appoints its "Democracy Advisor to the EU"

Mr Robert Mugabe, Africa's democracy envoy to the EU

In his first statement after his appointment, the African Congress's "Democracy Envoy", Mr. Robert Mugabe, rails against the filmsy facade of democracy within the EU;

"Well, whut can ah seh abouht de recent develope-ments in de Eee Yoo? Ah am verry concerned abouht de stetments ah am heerin' concerning de ignorin' uf the will uf th' I-reesh peepul an' dat uf de rest uf der Eee Yoo. Dey, toogever wid de Frenge an' de Duts are de onlee pepul out uf narely 480 million who wuz allowed to vote for dis fuhndamental chenge in de way dey are guvund. Dis is quite deesgraceful. First de Frenge an' de Duts are treeted wid contempt, an' now it is de I-reesh who are cast aside.

Ahm afred t' report that dis ees nod de furst tahm thut thees hus happened. De Eee Yoo hes a terreeble record in dis respec'. Ah reamemba wen de Danish peepul sed dey did not weesh to agree to the Massed-tricked treety. Dey wuz called donkeys an' med to vot again, until de Eee Yoo got eets de-sired result. Den de voting stopped.

De I-reesh also were med t' feel like donkeys efter de Neece Treety and med to vot again, until de Eee Yoo got eets de-sired result. Den de voting stopped.

But what most Africans cannot understend, is how most uf de peepul uf de Eee Yoo get no vot at ahl in dis verry import-tant matter.

On top of ahl uf dis, the functionin' uf de whole place in Brussels is a compleet farce, in de democratic terms. De electid membas of parly-ament is just a load uf emptee suits which jus' nod dare heads like de Churchill Insurans doggy, while un-elected be-urocrats mek ahl de reel desissions abouht laws an' udder things which dictate de lives uf ahl the poor peepul uf de Eee Yoo.

I tink ah hev much work t' do here. Ah will not rest unteel ah hev raised de standards uv democracy in de Eee Yoo to present African levels.

An' ken yoo imajine ma surprise dis year, wen de cheeky divils seh "we wants to send election moni-tors" to mah contree, Zimbabwe?? Eet almost beggars de believe!"

Wednesday, 4 June 2008

Feed them socialists.....

There have been murmurings about comments made by Patrick Wall, chairman of the European Food Safety Authority, who is advocating a return to feeding animal remains to pigs and chickens, in the light of the worldwide cereal shortage.

I have a better solution - feed the piggies with socialists.
The socialists could be rendered using the hot air of other socialists. I think the requisite heat could be produced with a ratio of 5 socialists' hot air rendering down one socialist to Useful Material. The same five can be used as energy for many renderings, as this heat source is almost inexhaustible in socialists. Bones would be separated at the end of the rendering process to be added to fertiliser, apart from the spine which is obviously useless, and the skulls which could be utilised in the manufacture of armour plate.
The benefits are obvious;
Much lower taxes, much less crime, free speech, cleaner streets, lower insurance premiums, better health care, a spectacular fall in bureaucracy, a smaller more efficient public sector with higher wages and of course, lots of tasty, crisp bacon.
Possible concerns would be;
An evolution, by the 3rd or 4th generation of socialist-fed porker, of an animal with aesthetically conventional features, but a much reduced brain and inversely enlarged vocal chords, capable of producing tremendous noise. Socialist-fed piglets, at this stage of evolution would have to be fed by hand as, although their demand for milk would have increased compared to that of conventionally fed piglets, the capacity and willingness of socialist-fed sows to give milk would shrink to almost nothing. Further evolution, it is believed, would see an animal much more dependent on humans for even rudimentary tasks such as breathing and moving, creating a vision of iron lungs on castors from which a porcine head and rump protrude at either end.
The consuming function of the animal would increase dramatically though, with a correspondingly voluminous function at the opposite end, requiring constant cleaning-up after the beasts. The last evolution would see an animal that is prone to be fickle and dangerous unless pampered continuously, biting its feeder's hand at the the slightest pause in attention and servitude.