There have been murmurings about comments made by Patrick Wall, chairman of the European Food Safety Authority, who is advocating a return to feeding animal remains to pigs and chickens, in the light of the worldwide cereal shortage.
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I have a better solution - feed the piggies with socialists.
The socialists could be rendered using the hot air of other socialists. I think the requisite heat could be produced with a ratio of 5 socialists' hot air rendering down one socialist to Useful Material. The same five can be used as energy for many renderings, as this heat source is almost inexhaustible in socialists. Bones would be separated at the end of the rendering process to be added to fertiliser, apart from the spine which is obviously useless, and the skulls which could be utilised in the manufacture of armour plate.
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The benefits are obvious;
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Much lower taxes, much less crime, free speech, cleaner streets, lower insurance premiums, better health care, a spectacular fall in bureaucracy, a smaller more efficient public sector with higher wages and of course, lots of tasty, crisp bacon.
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Possible concerns would be;
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An evolution, by the 3rd or 4th generation of socialist-fed porker, of an animal with aesthetically conventional features, but a much reduced brain and inversely enlarged vocal chords, capable of producing tremendous noise. Socialist-fed piglets, at this stage of evolution would have to be fed by hand as, although their demand for milk would have increased compared to that of conventionally fed piglets, the capacity and willingness of socialist-fed sows to give milk would shrink to almost nothing. Further evolution, it is believed, would see an animal much more dependent on humans for even rudimentary tasks such as breathing and moving, creating a vision of iron lungs on castors from which a porcine head and rump protrude at either end.
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The consuming function of the animal would increase dramatically though, with a correspondingly voluminous function at the opposite end, requiring constant cleaning-up after the beasts. The last evolution would see an animal that is prone to be fickle and dangerous unless pampered continuously, biting its feeder's hand at the the slightest pause in attention and servitude.
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