The Amazing Toad

The Noble Knight of Newcastle

2010-07-14T18:10:00.008+01:00

******The Noble Knight of Newcastle******

How, officer - will y' lerruz threw,
Coz man.....av a chikken fur Murty t' chew.
It's canny - it's jus' the trick,
It's Asda's speshul:- Lemon 'n' Gar-lick

Ahhh..c'mon - lerruz past!
Ah dinna fear th' shotgun's blast.
Why, ahl put an end t' this saga,
Wiv these bonny cans o' lager.

Constabble, pleez hear ma appeal,
Relax thish cold ring o' steel....
Av got me rod - be in nur doubt,
Me 'n' Murty - we'll catch some trout.

Aww, copper, be a mate,
Let me save Murty frum 'is fate.
Ahl tell 'im he cannat hang,
An' if he's good he'll....[[BANG!!]]

Ahh fuhk..waasat gan up in th' air?
It luks like a bit o' ginger hair.
Officer....it luks like Murty's stricken,
Ermm.....wudya like sum lager....'n' sum chikken?

(First posted to newsgroup ukpm 14 July 2010)

Lenny Henry "feared still alive"....

2009-04-29T13:15:00.009+01:00

" I demand preferential treatment, or I'll give you black looks....like this....I can keep this up y'know...how d'y think I got this far...?"

Reports just in, suggest that Lenny Henry, the chippy, politically correct and unfunny "comedian" is still alive.

African Union appoints "Finance Advisor to HM Treasury"

2009-03-02T18:57:00.007Z

Mr Robert Mugabe, on his appointment as the AU's Financial Advisor to HM Treasury

"Hello to ahl de good folks uf de Yoo Kay. It's mee agin, Bobby Mugabe. Yoo may rememba me from mah appointment las' year as Demoacracy Advisor to de Eee Yoo" http://theamazingtoad.blogspot.com/2008/06/africa-appoints-its-democracy-advisor.html

"Well, eet look like mah talents is wanted agin, dis tahm in Inger-land. Auld Gor-don Brohn 'as managed to get heemself in a tereeble mess wid hees econu-me."

"Ah mus' admeet dat ah wuz a beet apree-henseev abut tekin' up de pohst in de furst instant, as affairs in Zimbabwe is nod, ahem ....exactlee 'ideal'. But, wen ah express dis senti-ment to de chairman of de African Uni-yon, he dispel mah fears stret away; "ha, ha Bobby" he say, "wen you see wot a totahl shambils auld Brohn hes med uf de Yoo Kay econu-me, yoo weel see yoo hev nothin' t' fear, mah auld frend". And as dey seh;"in de kingdum uf de blind, de wun eyed man ees king". Needless t' seh, ahm bein' meta-phorical here".

"Ah med a ini-shall inspection uf de facks abaht de econu-me uf de yoo kay, and mah frends, de news ees nod gud. Dere ees a catalog uf dredful meestakes goin' back many years".

"Led me tell yoo som-ting peepel; wen yoo sell gohld, yoo do eet verry quietly……sshhhh… Wen ah sell mah contree’s gohld, ah tell nearly nobodee. Nod even mah Finance Meenister! Ah onlee tell Grace, an' she decide wut t' pay forrit and where it go afterward. Den ah decide wut t' doo wid de funds uf de sale an' where dey go afterward. Yoo do nod jump around sayin' "look at me!, look at me!, ahm sellin' gohld!, ahm sellin' gohld!..." an' mekin' a gret noise like a big scotch elly-phant, so ahl de buyer form a ring at de auction, an' make love wid yoo frum behind. And annuder ting, yoo only sell de gohld wen de gohld price is high and nod low. Really peepel, dis ees Janet an' John eco-nomics, nod rokket science".

“Ah ahlreddy know wut ees de forst ting ah must takkel wen ah goes t’ Inger-lund t’ sorht out ahl de finan-cial probber-lems; image. Image ees very import-tant in de govern-ment. De rascal Blair know wut it meen, but ah tink auld Brohn perraps need som guidance. Yoo see, a contree’s Finance Meenister ees a very import-tant memba uf de govern-ment. Hee hev t’ meet wid udder import-tant peepel frum udder contrees an’ eet ees verry import-tant dat he ees taken seri-owsly. Mekin’ a joke nahme like “Darling” ess funny wen yoo twelve year auld, but nod wen yoo a Finance Meenister. Wen ah furst hear he call heemself “Darling”, ah thowt mebbee he ees doin’ unspeakable tings together wid dat filthy degener-rate, Mandel-sohn. Ahm afred der ees no room in a govern-ment for a man who do nod respec’ hees own po-sition, to de ex-tend dat he mek a joke name fur heemself an’ think it funny t’ cum t’ wark in de mornin’ med up t’ luk like a badger.”

“Ah weel hev sum more advice fer Meester Brohn wen ah see heem on mah ah-rival in Inger-land. Buht dat ken wate for de next tahm ah tahlk t’ yoo gud fohlks here on meester Tohd’s blog.”

Too-del pip!

Bobby Mugabe

Bullshitting Europhile

2009-01-20T23:04:00.003Z

"I disapprove of a referendum. I do think it is a serious blow to the sovereignty of Parliament. MPs are elected to give line-by-line detailed scrutiny to documents of this kind."

This from the man who so enthusiastically endorsed the Maastricht Treaty and then subsequently admitted he hadn't read it.

Stupifying arrogance......

2008-09-11T11:04:00.004+01:00

It would appear that Ireland is to hold another referendum on the Constitution Lisbon treaty;

"EU officials expect Ireland to hold second Lisbon Treaty referendum"

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/ireland/2778154/EU-officals-expect-Ireland-to-hold-second-Lisbon-Treaty-referendum.html

It seems the Irish Times thinks the "no" voters are just victims of their own simple-mindedness;

"Failure to understand Lisbon the key reason for No vote"

STEPHEN COLLINS and JAMIE SMYTH
"THE DIFFICULTY faced by the Government in getting the Lisbon Treaty passed in a second referendum has been underlined by its own research which found that a significant number of people did not understand what they were voting on last June.
An opinion poll commissioned by the Government found that 42 per cent of people cited a lack of knowledge, information or understanding of the treaty as the reason for voting No. It was by far the most significant reason given for voting against the treaty."

This fails to address the fact that many of the "yes" voters will have not understood the document either and may have voted "no" if they had. It also fails to explain that the document was not meant to be understood;

“The Lisbon Treaty itself cannot be understood by ordinary citizens since it can be understood only by also reading the treaties which it amends. . . The institutional proposals of the constitutional treaty – the only things which mattered for the members of the European Convention – are in the Lisbon treaty in their entirety but in a different order and inserted into previous treaties. - What is the purpose of this subtle manoeuvre? First and above all to escape from the constraint of having to hold a referendum by dispersing the articles and by renouncing the constitutional vocabulary.”

The Treaty's author, Valerie Giscard d’Estaing, writing in Le Monde, 26 October 2007.

Harriet Harperson - dangerous lunatic......

2008-07-29T21:09:00.006+01:00

The ideological mechanoid pictured above has now - I believe - cashed in on Brown's current vunerability. The raving man-hater is pushing through legislation, which on the face of it, should be applicable to both men and women. But just listen to the mad cow as she describes the legislation in the video clip below. There is a short ad in the first few seconds;

http://link.brightcove.com/services/link/bcpid1378314933/bclid1231010610/bctid1697681102

This a barrister and cabinet minister explaining a change in the law. Tell me she isn't unhinged. What a ghastly woman. She typifies the Far-Left's doctrinal contempt for the concept of "human nature". She is the embodiment of undiluted 1970's Leftist campus orthodoxy - relationships between genders, races, ages and cultures, in society and at work, need to be controlled and dictated by the State. Free, Libertarian societies are a dangerous risk, which are too vunerable to the human weaknesses like "merit", "shame", "family" and "tradition". Harriet has conquered and quarantined these weaknesses and emotions and has replaced them with a set of cold, inert rules.

First posted on UKPM

Bloody stoodents.......

2008-07-23T10:59:00.002+01:00

....I don't know what the world's coming to!

Now if Tracey Emin had constructed this masterpiece and called it "throne on phone" or somesuchother very, very clever title, we'd be looking at about £350,000 here.

Rick Stein....faux conservationist....

2008-07-22T23:38:00.002+01:00

Rick Stein is a cop out. Every time he comes on TV, he always bemoans the parlous state of the fish stocks in Britain's waters. Yet the one and only time I've ever heard him mention the EU - the chief culprit in the fish stocks disaster - was the other night. He is standing outside a smokery in Arbroath waxing lyrical about some smokies that he's holding in his hands, and he says; "...and due to an EU regulation, these smokies can now only be sold in this area.....and that's great isn't it? Because it means that they remain special to the place they have originated from..." or words to that effect. I wonder if the bloke who runs the smokery would think the same?

Personally, I've never heard of such EU laws restricting the sale of foodstuffs to a certain sub-national geographical area and I strongly suspect that Stein was confusing the EU's "protected status" laws which mean the name "Arbroath Smokies" can only be used if the goods have originated in Arbroath. Nonetheless, what a twat; he affects to be a conservationist, yet (wrongly) praises the Raper of the Seas in that dreamy, vague, europhile, fashion-over-substance way, whilst fleets of Spanish trawlers eradicate our fish.

Like Cameron, Stein would undoubtably avoid mentioning "Europe", for fear of being regarded as "ranting". Never mind the facts then........

The sooner we're out of this EU mess, the better.

The present government. By vocation...

2008-07-19T11:08:00.000+01:00

Below are the current UK cabinet members listed against their "employment" before they were elected to parliament.

Prime minister – Gordon Brown: Professional student. Lecturer. 3 years at Scottish Television.

Home secretary - Jacqui Smith: Teacher

Foreign secretary - David Miliband: Voluntary sector bureaucrat. Labour policy wonk.

Chancellor of the Exchequer - Alistair Darling: Lawyer

Justice secretary and Lord Chancellor - Jack Straw: Lawyer (3 years), Inner London Education Authority. Labour policy wonk.

Health secretary - Alan Johnson: Postman. Trades unionist.

Defence secretary - Des Browne: Lawyer.

Secretary for business, enterprise and regulatory reform - John Hutton: College lecturer.

Secretary for children, schools and families - Ed Balls: 4 years as leader writer for Financial Times. Labour policy wonk.

Secretary for innovation, universities and skills - John Denham: Quangos and charities.

Environment secretary - Hilary Benn: Trades unionist. Councillor.

International development secretary - Douglas Alexander: Professional student. Policy wonk. Lawyer.

Work and pensions secretary - Peter Hain: Trades unionist. “Anti” campaigner.

Transport secretary - Ruth Kelly: Guardian journalist. Labour policy wonk.

Secretary for communities and local government - Hazel Blears: Public sector lawyer. Trades unionist.

Culture, media and sport secretary - James Purnell: Labour policy wonk. BBC.

Northern Ireland secretary - Shaun Woodward: Lobbyist. BBC. Tory turncoat.

Chief whip - Geoff Hoon: Labourer. Lawyer. Lecturer.

Secretary for the cabinet office and Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster - Ed Miliband: Labour policy wonk.

Chief secretary to the Treasury - Andy Burnham: Labour policy wonk. Trades unionist.

Not an engineer or farmer or businessman between them. Geoff Hoon laboured at a furniture factory for a year and Brown the Clown was a journo for Jock TV for three years. One or two more had short stints as journos. Outside of Law, very little private sector experience at all. We are governed by policy wonks and trades unionists with little or no experience of the real world.

Any refutations gratefully received (Wiki was used extensively in compiling the above). I might do a similar list of the shadow cabinet....if I can be bothered. I'd be interested to know how many of our 650 MPs are lawyers

Headache for Labour in Glasgow East....

2008-07-16T18:02:00.000+01:00

Here are two of the candidates who are contesting Glasgow East next week;

CURRAN, Frances
Party Name: Scottish Socialist Party
Candidate Address: Flat 3/2, 12 Crow Road, Glasgow G11 7RT

CURRAN, Margaret
Party Name: Scottish Labour Party
Candidate Address: 75 Langside Drive, Glasgow G43 2ST

http://www.glasgow.gov.uk/en/YourCouncil/Elections_Voting/GlasgowEast_ByElection_2008/NoticeofPoll/

Now, cast your minds back to the Scottish election last year, where the poor, drunken Scots couldn't work out the "complicated election ballots". Now look at the similarity between the two candidates above. Both have the same surname. Both have "Scottish" and "Party" in the title of their respective parties. The only difference being "Labour" and "Socialist" and they both mean the same thing - "handout".

So, there's a contest between the Scottish Handout Party and the Scottish Handout Party and their candidates; Wee Hen Curran and Wee Hen Curran. And that's before we consider the third Scottish Handout Party - the Scottish National Party.

Polling stations will be open from 11.00am to 11.00pm. I shouldn't imagine they'll see much action before 2pm on account of most of Glasgow East's electors not being, ahem..."early risers". I would imagine that most electors will call in, after having had "the hair of the dog" in some dreadful, grey, box-shaped, pebble-dashed pub, with formica tables and a plywood bar-top upon which stand a depressing array of gas-charged taps advertising Messers McEwans' and Tenants' various carbonated piss.

What a headache for Labour's planners! It conjures up an image of Labour's proposed army of canvassers going from door to door, armed with graphic signs with which to persuade voters;

"Mr McAlchy?"

"Aye...whose fukkin' askin'?"

"Mr McAlchy, I'm from the Labour Party in London and we're here to make sure you continue to recieve money without having to work for it"

"Oooah.....fuken magic! Weer issit, then...thish moneh??"

"Mr McAlchy, first you have to do something for us"

"Errr wadu ye mean...."do sommin" "

"We need you to tick a box on a piece of paper"

"Soonds easy enough!...gimme the paper, cos ah wunt money fur som swally, y'ken"

Canvasser reaches into pocket and produces long plastic-coated sign depicting three symbols, from left to right; a tick, a red rose and a twenty pound note.

"Mr McAlchy, if you put one of these next to the box with one of these in it, then you'll continue to get these"

"Aye, OK....gimme it..."

"No, no, Mr. McAlchy, you have to do this next Thursday at the Polling Station....on the day of the election.....err, next week??"

"Yah fuken Inlish BASTAD ye!!!! Weers ma fucken moneh ye cunt ye???!!"

........sound of clenched fist on cheek, followed by groaning and sirens.

Your humble toad told you so much......

2008-07-14T20:49:00.000+01:00

"The radical extension of maternity leave and parents’ rights is sabotaging women’s careers, according to the head of the new equalities watchdog.

Nicola Brewer said that it was an inconvenient truth that giving women a year off work after the birth of each child - soon to be paid throughout - was making employers think twice before offering a job or promotion. "

http://business.timesonline.co.uk/tol/business/law/article4327438.ece

Give the woman a Nobel Prize. It will be interesting to see how the idiots of "New Labour" respond to this, especially the goon Harman. My guess is more legislation.

The Right isn't losing the battle over the custody of Political Language - because it's not even fighting that battle. How anyone can refer to this ridiculous legislation as a "right" is beyond me. It is a government enforced employment perk and I wouldn't be surprised if it emanated from the Castle of Lies over in Brussels.

Sooner or later we will hear of people naturally extolling their advantages on their CVs as employing Victims gets more hazardous;

"I have three grown-up children and have no wish to have any more...." Trans: "I won't pick your pocket whilst sat at home looking after my baby"

"My wife Mary....." Trans: "I'm not queer...."

"My family have lived in the area for 150 years...." Trans: "I'm white..."

Cue legislation forcing employers alert the authorities over "illegal CVs"

The emperors' clothes

2008-07-11T13:27:00.000+01:00

Apparently there are no limits to what the EU achieves. For instance, it is only the existence of the EU which has prevented a war between its members since 1945.

I'm not kidding either;

http://europa.eu/abc/index_en.htm

Look at the scrolling "Did you know that..." section on the left of the page.

I witnessed a debate (Question Time or something like it) where that egregious cow Shirley Williams made that same ludicrous claim, without being challenged. I've lost count of the times I've heard clear falsehoods about the EU's achievements go completely unchallenged on R4 interviews and debates.

There is something worrying about the way in which europhiles go unchecked in making fantastic claims about the EU's achievements. It is worrying because in the event that we ever leave this corrupt and deceitful club, those same people will enjoy having the same platform to make false claims about pitfalls of non-membership.

In this scenario, I envisage claims that every major transport accident, economic downturn, cattle infection or flood, would have been averted had we only remained in the EU.

And just wait and see what happens if Britain's most accomplished liar becomes the first "King of Europe". There will be no end to the bullshit.

This is what happens when you create a victim-culture..

2008-07-11T12:29:00.000+01:00

"A Christian registrar who was harassed and discriminated against after she refused to carry out same-sex civil partnership ceremonies has won a key legal battle.

Lillian Ladele, 47, said that she was treated like a pariah by colleagues at Islington council in North London after she said that she could not carry out the ceremonies as a matter of religious conscience. "

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/faith/article4312447.ece

Once you go down the road of converting half of society into Victims, these exquisite conflicts are bound to happen. The example above is more a source of mirth than angst. It will have been an undoubted asset for the claimant in this case, to be black woman.

The social engineers who have been busy "correcting" our society to match their sixth-former worldview for the last 30 years, seem blind to the unintended effects that their "rights" create. One such effect is to turn the recipients of special rights into an employment risk.

Which small employer (in their right mind) would take on a girl who is likely to spend months on end sat at home before and after giving birth, all the while drawing a wage for which she does zero work? The legislation that gives mothers employment "rights" - in the overall scheme of things - favours older women. Parallels can be drawn for gays, blacks, disabled etc etc.

The public sector will increasingly be a Victims' refuge. Although, if the likes of Harriet Harman get their way, the State will be on the interview panels in the private sector too. For the Harriets, the medicine is always the same: more invasive, nannying legislation to correct society."Minority rights" create far more problems than they solve and I challenge anyone to sensibly argue against the striking down of nearly all minority rights legislation being a positive measure for everyone.

Why won't people do as I say?

2008-06-27T14:51:00.000+01:00

I am always very wary of campaigns against companies like Tesco and MacDonalds. There is an inherent motive of envy and a tendency to vilify the successful, amongst "virtuous" people like HFW.

Having enjoyed his TV series, I bought his book. In the introduction, he says we should change the way we look at food. We should move our perspective on food "a little bit to the Left", advises Hugh. After my initial disappointment that he should use food for politics and out of context too, I then thought that perhaps Hugh could broadcast his next food odyssey from N. Korea or Cuba. Hmmm......rice avec potato et eau.

Nearly all "wailing campaigns" against large corporations ignore the fact that they got where they are because people have effectively endorsed them through personal choice. The avalanche of food programmes and books that have been produced all have one common theme; buy quality organic food. It is inconceivable that anyone could have escaped this advice, given the airtime and print volume that's carried it over the last 30 years. Yet people still buy carrots and potatoes in tins, not because they're cheaper that way, but because they are too lazy to prepare the vegetables themselves.

In the same way that the egregious Morgan Spurlock conducted an entire documentary on the basis that the individual has no personal responsibility whatsoever, Hugh is targetting Tesco, because the public won't listen to him and choose instead to continue endorsing Tesco - a form of democracy that Hugh doesn't like. How very socialist.

Alcohol is not the problem...

2008-06-17T19:59:00.000+01:00

....it's the low-life you put the alcohol in.

Restricting the sale of alcohol in supermarkets to those over 21, is just another example of the government failing to grasp the nettle and tackle the real (and difficult) problem. Papering over the cracks, as it were. And it also gives out the subliminal message that the individual is not to blame, but the alcohol is.

And there lies the problem - a lack of personal responsibility. If you get drunk and you know that causing trouble will land you a custodial sentence, no matter what sob-story you give the magistrate, then you are much more likely to take responsibility for your behaviour. However, this would involve building more prisons, courts, police stations and recruiting all the people to run them. The type of people who run Britain's government, are the same people who say things like "what kind of society locks up its people?", whilst wringing their hands in the comfort of some cosy London bistro. A stroll around Leeds city centre in the early hours of Saturday night, would soon disabuse them about what sort of society doesn't lock up it's people.

I have heard senior police officers state categorically that alcohol is to blame for inner city fighting on Friday and Saturday nights. Well, every now and then, events come up which have the secondary effect of producing a huge social experiment. Such an event was last Autumn's Rugby World Cup. 200,000 English fans out of a total of 1.8 million fans overall, descended on France and drank the place dry over a space of six weeks. Where was the fighting?

Good natured drinkers enjoy England success in Paris and help to explode the myth that alcohol is to blame for violence.

Vandal comes a cropper.....

2008-06-15T18:59:00.000+01:00

Africa appoints its "Democracy Advisor to the EU"

2008-06-13T20:40:00.000+01:00

Mr Robert Mugabe, Africa's democracy envoy to the EU

In his first statement after his appointment, the African Congress's "Democracy Envoy", Mr. Robert Mugabe, rails against the filmsy facade of democracy within the EU;

"Well, whut can ah seh abouht de recent develope-ments in de Eee Yoo? Ah am verry concerned abouht de stetments ah am heerin' concerning de ignorin' uf the will uf th' I-reesh peepul an' dat uf de rest uf der Eee Yoo. Dey, toogever wid de Frenge an' de Duts are de onlee pepul out uf narely 480 million who wuz allowed to vote for dis fuhndamental chenge in de way dey are guvund. Dis is quite deesgraceful. First de Frenge an' de Duts are treeted wid contempt, an' now it is de I-reesh who are cast aside.

Ahm afred t' report that dis ees nod de furst tahm thut thees hus happened. De Eee Yoo hes a terreeble record in dis respec'. Ah reamemba wen de Danish peepul sed dey did not weesh to agree to the Massed-tricked treety. Dey wuz called donkeys an' med to vot again, until de Eee Yoo got eets de-sired result. Den de voting stopped.

De I-reesh also were med t' feel like donkeys efter de Neece Treety and med to vot again, until de Eee Yoo got eets de-sired result. Den de voting stopped.

But what most Africans cannot understend, is how most uf de peepul uf de Eee Yoo get no vot at ahl in dis verry import-tant matter.

On top of ahl uf dis, the functionin' uf de whole place in Brussels is a compleet farce, in de democratic terms. De electid membas of parly-ament is just a load uf emptee suits which jus' nod dare heads like de Churchill Insurans doggy, while un-elected be-urocrats mek ahl de reel desissions abouht laws an' udder things which dictate de lives uf ahl the poor peepul uf de Eee Yoo.

I tink ah hev much work t' do here. Ah will not rest unteel ah hev raised de standards uv democracy in de Eee Yoo to present African levels.

An' ken yoo imajine ma surprise dis year, wen de cheeky divils seh "we wants to send election moni-tors" to mah contree, Zimbabwe?? Eet almost beggars de believe!"

Feed them socialists.....

2008-06-04T10:17:00.000+01:00

There have been murmurings about comments made by Patrick Wall, chairman of the European Food Safety Authority, who is advocating a return to feeding animal remains to pigs and chickens, in the light of the worldwide cereal shortage.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/europe/article4054169.ece

I have a better solution - feed the piggies with socialists.

The socialists could be rendered using the hot air of other socialists. I think the requisite heat could be produced with a ratio of 5 socialists' hot air rendering down one socialist to Useful Material. The same five can be used as energy for many renderings, as this heat source is almost inexhaustible in socialists. Bones would be separated at the end of the rendering process to be added to fertiliser, apart from the spine which is obviously useless, and the skulls which could be utilised in the manufacture of armour plate.

The benefits are obvious;

Much lower taxes, much less crime, free speech, cleaner streets, lower insurance premiums, better health care, a spectacular fall in bureaucracy, a smaller more efficient public sector with higher wages and of course, lots of tasty, crisp bacon.

Possible concerns would be;

An evolution, by the 3rd or 4th generation of socialist-fed porker, of an animal with aesthetically conventional features, but a much reduced brain and inversely enlarged vocal chords, capable of producing tremendous noise. Socialist-fed piglets, at this stage of evolution would have to be fed by hand as, although their demand for milk would have increased compared to that of conventionally fed piglets, the capacity and willingness of socialist-fed sows to give milk would shrink to almost nothing. Further evolution, it is believed, would see an animal much more dependent on humans for even rudimentary tasks such as breathing and moving, creating a vision of iron lungs on castors from which a porcine head and rump protrude at either end.

The consuming function of the animal would increase dramatically though, with a correspondingly voluminous function at the opposite end, requiring constant cleaning-up after the beasts. The last evolution would see an animal that is prone to be fickle and dangerous unless pampered continuously, biting its feeder's hand at the the slightest pause in attention and servitude.

I just can't put my finger on it......

2007-12-21T16:29:00.000Z

......but this collage of youths murdered in London during 2007, suggests some form of pattern...and I can't seem to figure it out!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/london/7117749.stm

The House (of Cards) that Gordon built.

2007-10-03T21:04:00.000+01:00

There was a house, upon a hill,

Built by a wise old Scot.

No chimney, no stairs, no windows nor sill,

No water, cold or hot.

The walls were thin, with pictures inside,

Of kings, knaves and a queen.

"The house is grand", the Scot - he lied!

(It was the worst house ever seen).

"Keep the houses few, keep the people many,"

Was the wise old Scot's refrain.

"That way, they're worth a pretty penny,

It's good economy - I do maintain"

With a Chinese telly, there's no inflation,

For the wise old Scot to shepherd.

The ginger Hucknall urged a grateful nation,

And with plaudits, the Scot was peppered.

So this dreadful house, built of card,

That the lying Scot has made,

Swamps road, rail and dockard,

With Pole, Paki and Spade.

For when there's people few, houses many,

The reckoning will call.

Then the house of cards - not worth a penny,

Means the lying Scot will fall.

Quite the Prophet....

2007-09-20T15:24:00.000+01:00

How dreadful are the curses which Mohammedanism lays on its votaries! Besides the fanatical frenzy, which is as dangerous in a man as hydrophobia in a dog, there is this fearful fatalistic apathy. The effects are apparent in many countries. Improvident habits, slovenly systems of agriculture, sluggish methods of commerce, and insecurity of property exist wherever the followers of the Prophet rule or live. A degraded sensualism deprives this life of its grace and refinement; the next of its dignity and sanctity. The fact that in Mohammedan law every woman must belong to some man as his absolute property, either as a child, a wife, or a concubine, must delay the final extinction of slavery until the faith of Islam has ceased to be a great power among men.

Individual Moslems may show splendid qualities — but the influence of the religion paralyses the social development of those who follow it. No stronger retrograde force exists in the world. Far from being moribund, Mohammedanism is a militant and proselytizing faith. It has already spread throughout Central Africa, raising fearless warriors at every step; and were it not that Christianity is sheltered in the strong arms of science, the science against which it had vainly struggled, the civilisation of modern Europe might fall, as fell the civilisation of ancient Rome.

WSC 1899

They just don't get it....

2007-08-06T09:50:00.000+01:00

Journalists and bloggers alike, wonder why blogging has a preminence of right-wing blogs. All the analysis I've seen has been wrong.

Steve Richards, in an article on political blogging, writes in the Independant;

"Probably part of the reason for the blogging hyperactivity on the right is the current turmoil in the Conservative Party. When a party seeks a new sense of direction after three election defeats there is scope for endless debate, heightened by fleeting moments of fuming anger and joyful euphoria.

Presumably in the late Seventies and and early Eighties, there would have been addictive blogs putting the case for Tony Benn. They would have been countered perhaps by must-read sites from those heading for the SDP. I guess left-of-centre bloggers would have flourished when Labour was overwhelmed by civil war. Now Labour is more settled and will be thrown into blog paradise/crisis only if it loses the next election."

This is nonsense. The reason so many people come to conclusions like the one above, is because they have come to regard the MSM - the mainstream media, as the norm; a balanced status quo by which the Blogosphere is judged.

But the MSM is heavily weighted by two factors, both in favour of the Left. Firstly, Britain's - and the world's - biggest news media, the BBC, are wholly Left Wing. Nearly all its output is flavoured by its entrenched Liberal worldview. Many BBC employees have never worked anywhere else since they were recruited from the pages of the Guardian after having graduated. Secondly, the MSM is paralysed by the zeitgeist of fear concerning "offence" which pervades all print and speech media. We live in a Victim Culture and its effects are not always apparent, but reading the pages of Britain's newspapers after a Muslim bombing is salutary. Any criticism of a racial group is littered with clumsy legal safeguards, taking the form of praising certain sections of a group whose members have just blown a bus up, or wandering off-topic to enable throwing in some abstract criticism of certain indigenous Britons - in order to appear "balanced". It's is almost as if MSM journalists have to write in a codified English to get over a message which is then made somewhat ambiguous due to that coding.

The blogosphere is free (for now) of all that clutter. Here you can get your views raw, without the dissembling that political correctness inflicts. So, I would say to Steve Richards and all others who share his views, that the Blogsphere represents the natural order of opinion when you take away the statist financial leg-up and legal/social repression that buoys the Left in the MSM. Without these artificial aids, the Leftwing view sinks to its natural position.

So....they got away with it.....

2007-07-23T21:41:00.000+01:00

The aquittal of "Lord" Levy, the advisor and envoy of Tony Blair, the most corrupt British Prime Minister ever, has plunged Britain into a deeper moral trough than it's ever been in before.

This is a defeat for common justice. This is a defeat for all the people who have worked tirelessly to find cures for cancer over 20 years and are rewarded with an honour. This is a defeat for all those who are brave and are rewarded withan honour. This is a defeat for the couple in their late fifties who have fostered 30 kids in their lifetime and are rewarded with a small honour. This is a defeat for the man who started an enterprise in his garden shed and now employs 300 people earning Britain £millions for its NHS. This is a defeat for the carer who receives an MBE for 40 years selfless devotion to those who can't cope.

These people have lost out, because thanks to selfish and dishonest people like Blair and Levy, those small tokens of esteem from the State, are now - by association - nearly worthless.

Ahhhh....bless!

2007-07-01T09:54:00.000+01:00

This four year old's level of political and economic literacy is shared by millions of grown women all over Britain. That's why we've had the house-of-cards we know of as New Labour for 10 years. Obviously, being only four, she has an excuse............

Toad recommends......

2007-06-29T18:01:00.000+01:00

This is the book that articulates all that is wrong with the dreadful Liberal experiment that is being played out in British inner cities. I found myself laughing with disbelief as "the one true way" of Polly Toynbee et al, was comprehensively demolished by a man I would not hesitate to call the "Orwell of our time". A psychiatrist and doctor, Theodore Dalrymple's experience of the British underclass leaves him exceptionally well positioned as a social commentator covering the moral decline in British cities. A thorough expose of the sheer dishonesty of the Left. Brilliant.

Epitomising Blair

2007-06-28T12:39:00.001+01:00

I have been wondering if there was a single event that epitomised Tony Blair's time as PM.

This morning, it came to me. It was the incident involving the Oxford student, who made the rather silly statement "your horse is gay" to a police officer. Six officers gave chase to the fleeing student - a Mr. Brown, they arrested him, put him in a prison cell and he was charged with section 5 of the Public Order Act for making "homophobic remarks". And I think that's it - we're all Victims now. Even if you're a horse.

The Sedgefield by-election...I wonder who'll win?

2007-06-27T13:55:00.001+01:00

A Labour activist woos the voters in Sedgefield.

To describe Sedgefield as a safe seat would be something of an understatement.

Sedgefield is a typical example of a constituency bought for the Labour party using your money. The inhabitants are kept welfare dependent so they can keep voting Labour. They're non too smart either.

The scourge of the mindless is no more....

2007-06-18T20:56:00.000+01:00

God speed Bernard. The world is poorer without you.

Life is richer for the pourer....

2007-06-14T10:36:00.001+01:00

Another consignment of joy for Lincoln's council estates.

The message on the back of this truck is rich in social irony. Give the underclass want they want, at a price they can easily afford and make them even more sorry for themselves than they already are. You can't help some people.

Muslim "culture"...............

2007-06-11T18:24:00.000+01:00

Girl is murdered by her own father and uncle

Mahmod Mahmod and Ari Mahmod

Take a look at the two individuals pictured above. These people are resident in the UK because Liberals, in their seemingly infinite wisdom, reckon that mass immigration from Pakistan and Kurdistan (where these men originate from) - religiously fundamental hovels - will "culturally enrich" (to use classic Liberal phraseology) the United Kingdom.

When Mahmod Mahmod, 52, and his brother Ari Mahmod, 50, came to Britain, they didn't just bring suitcases and hope with them. They brought with them a backward and uncivilised ideology, some aspects of which England had not seen for 200 years. Whilst indigenous Britons fret over the unsavoury behaviour of some of their binge-drinking, semi-literate, welfare-dependent, urbanites, let us reflect on what is considered right in muslim society.

Mahmod Mahmod decided that his daughter Banaz Mahmod (pictured below), should not not court Rahmat Sulemani - her boyfriend - any longer. When she (an independent women by English law) defied him, Mahmod Mahmod and his brother Ari acted in accordance with the medieval diktats of the muslim faith - and killed her. Don't be fooled by the vacuous and tactical utterances of so-called "moderate" muslims. To the Pakistanis and Kurds of Britain's muslim ghettos, this young girl got what was coming to her.

Banaz Mahmod, 20, was quite legally killed, in the eyes of many Muslims.

The two men are due to be sentenced after having been found gulity today, Monday 11th June 2007. Ironically, the country that is so alien to them in its culture, also has an alien legal system. One that spares the lives of murderers.

Let it be clear; this murder is the tip of the iceberg. Muslim communities are so close-knit, that the majority of these killings are never detected. The communities are so close-knit because they were never meant to be anything else.

"Multiculturalism" - that great, naive, Liberal project, envisaged a grateful new community of ex-savages seeing the benefit of an enlightened English culture and living in peace and harmony amongst us. Of course, when it didn't happen, the Left - being constricted by their own ideological rules - couldn't possibly blame the newcomers. No, it was we - the indigenous Britons - who were to blame. Our enlightened culture became the culture that needed "correcting". "Ism" is the cure-all rejoinder for that rude stranger - the truth - when it presents itself to the Guardian reader. And this is what sickens the Toad. For when the muslim machine conducts itself as it is designed to do - and kills a twenty year old girl for an infraction of her father's house-rules, Liberals are quick to manoeuvre, for they are only too aware that the whole mess has their dabs on it.

Twice today has the Toad heard Liberals posturing over the murder, and condemning it in frigid terms - "how awful that a father could blah blah etc..." - completely race neutral, of course, because after all, they (the murderers) are just ordinary "British men". Just like newspapers paraded their "tolerance" credentials after the 7th July muslim attacks on London: "...how could ordinary British boys do such a thing?" came the dishonest bile from our conditioned press.

To listen to the wooden, constrained reporting and comment on this murder, is to realise just how frightened of moral censure our people have become. That moral censure comes from those on the hard-left who have, over many years worked themselves into government, the BBC and our institutions.

The facts are that muslims generally don't like us. They deplore our customs and ancient rights. The reason why they are here is because roads, clean water, sewerage, a national health system, reliable electricity, social security, safe food, public transport, law and order (ironically) and a free press are something which they don't have in Pakistan or other radical muslim nations. Even so, many third generation UK Pakistanis send their wages or benefits "home" to Pakistan, thus lancing the boil of the fatuous Liberal argument that Pakistanis have "financially enriched" Britain.

Tatchell - a "man" of our times........

2007-06-06T11:15:00.000+01:00

Take this Sodomski!!!

Does anyone else find Peter Tatchell a nauseating, self-serving, professional Victim? I currently don't have video hosting on this blog, but here's a link to him getting punched in Russia: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fybP0uwZvEs

He gets a decent straight right to the eye and then starts a pitiful wailing; "help me, help me......someone protect me...." in a cringing, pathetic way.

Here is Tatchell’s self pitying and woeful account (from The Guardian – who else?);

"On Sunday Peter Tatchell was assaulted and then arrested at a gay-rights protest in Moscow. Here he tells Luke Harding exactly what happened............"

"I was invited to Moscow by the organisers of Gay Pride. The plan was to mark the 14th anniversary of the decriminalisation of homosexuality in Russia, and call for the right to hold a gay pride parade. (why would anyone be "proud" to have a genetic disorder?) The activists had been attacked at a similar protest last year, and they felt it was very important to have international observers to witness how the Moscow authorities treated them. Their hope was that our presence would encourage the Moscow police to be less aggressive. (methinks you overstate your own importance, Mr. Tatchell)

We arrived at the city hall at 12 o'clock on Sunday. Our intention was to hand a letter to the Moscow mayor, Yuri Luzhkov, but the police allowed gangs of neo-Nazis to infiltrate our group. They started attacking people in an absolutely shocking way. The police stood and watched while people punched me, knocked me to the ground and then kicked me. Eventually the police arrested me and let my neo-Nazi assailants walk free. I was taken into a police van with others, including the German MP Volker Beck, and the Italian MEP Marco Cappato (well, at least they were "equal opportunity" incarerators!! heh, heh..) . When we sat in the bus the police taunted us. They said: "Are you members of the sexual minority?" We said yes. They said: "We are going to have some fun with you at the police station."

I spent 45 minutes at the station trying unsuccessfully to register a complaint. When we left, (hold on, what about the "fun"?) neo-Nazis attacked us again and pelted us with eggs. A Russian orthodox priest ran across the road and attacked us too. (so, not a "neo-Nazi" on this occasion?) There were hundreds of riot police who could have easily prevented the neo-Nazis from assaulting us. I was taken in an ambulance to the Moscow eye hospital for treatment to my right eye. I took a real beating around the head and even a day later I'm pretty woozy. It's still difficult to see clearly. It was the second worst beating after the one I received at the hands of Mugabe's thugs in Brussels in 2001. This time I wasn't knocked unconscious and left in the gutter but I ended up with a much bloodier face and severe bruising and swelling on my head. (translation: "I'm no ordinary Victim, you know. Oh no, I've form I have, I'm truly virtuous in this regard...")

What this shows is the flawed and failed nature of Russia's transition to democracy. It was a shameful abdication by the Moscow police of their responsibility to uphold the law. I think the British Embassy in Moscow should write a strong letter to the Russian authorities for failing to protect a lawful protest." (what this shows, Mr Tatchell, is the fact that not the whole of the world has been politically corrected by your ghastly Liberal conditioning)

Ends.

Notice how Tatchell constantly - and rather awkwardly - refers to his assailants as "neo-Nazis". It's as if he wants to force this label onto his assailants, to establish their group identity as a given, established fact. "Ordinary Muscovites" won't do at all will it, Peter? No, that wouldn't serve any purpose at all would it?

Let's be right about this, if Tatchell could turn the clock back and make things different so he didn't get cuffed, do you think he would? No, of course he wouldn't. Why? Because he regards the assault and his subsequent treatment by the police, to be a great asset in terms his status as a Victim. And that, my friends is all that counts in Peter’s world. The assault will be worn on his sleeve, like a Normandy veteran wears his medals on his chest. If he wasn't a homosexual, he'd be protesting about some such other terrible wrong in this awful, unfair world. He is truly a 21st century, Southern English, urban man.

Valhalla.......

2007-06-01T09:42:00.000+01:00

Look upon the picture above, mortals!! Then throw yourselves down as unworthy insects, to have presumed to look upon the image of the late Mrs. Longden's fish and chip emporium, in the village of Upton.

Yes, the Toad has again sampled God's chosen haddock and chips and confirms that all other comestibles of this style are but a poor imitation of His choice.

Go you to this place, as ancient pilgrims to a far-away shrine. Only then, will ye be complete.

The Diana phenomenon - a national embarrassment.

2007-05-31T14:49:00.000+01:00

Later this year it's going to be ten years since the Sloane Slapper bought the farm with her dago playboy in France.

I remember when Diana died. I was tying my shoe laces prior to going to work and flicked the TV on and switched to teletext to get the news. "Diana dies in crash etc etc". "Oh fine" I thought, "I wish she'd told us beforehand that she was going to croak" - then I could have booked a holiday. In the event I stopped at the newsagent on the way to work and cancelled The Telegraph for three weeks. As it turns out, I should have cancelled for six weeks as the newspapers were still wailing on about it even then.

Diana's funeral was such an undignified national embarrassment, because many of the people who made it such, were obviously "show grieving". Diana = saint, therefore the more I grieve and the more publicly I do so, the more virtuous I am. Perhaps worse than the show grievers, were the genuine grievers. These pitiful wretches had not the mental fortitude to withstand the media conditioning that created the mind-candy we now know as "Diana". To them she was really a saint - because they wanted to believe it was so. Look at the Show Grievers in the picture above. These idiots are stroking themselves in an effort to feel good about something. I'll wager that many of them drove to Soham for a spot of grieving there too. What's the betting that they all wear those coloured wristbands - the sign of conspicuous compassion? And what's the betting some Victim brings out a Diana wristband closer to the anniversary?

There are ways of expressing deep emotion without making a fool of yourself over a woman who was, at the end of the day, just a house of cards.

Good architecture......

2007-05-18T14:43:00.000+01:00

.......OK, so it's not brilliant, but this photo shows what can be achieved with a little effort. All of this building (presently "HBS" - a council quango thingy, in Lincoln) had windows like you see on the left. The building was a typical, sterile sixties-school, architectural abberation. Then someone with a limited budget and a bit of imagination, put these blue windows in and, although it's not going to set your pulse racing, it has softened considerably a building which was - frankly - an eyesore.

Modern-day impressment

2007-05-17T07:52:00.000+01:00

When I were a lad, I was told when leaving the Army on 1st Jan 1991, that my mobilisation would never happen, as the cold war was ending and the only reason you would ever be mobilised would be in the case of the Russians streaming over the Iron Curtain, or some such other situation which threatened Blighty herself.

How things have changed;

Reservists: The Rules On Being MobilisedMonday,

May 14, 2007

Source: MoD

"Mobilisation is the process of calling Reservists into full-time service with the Regular Forces on military operations.....

"Mobilisation of the unwilling

When there are very short operational deadlines, the scale of operation is particularly large or there is a shortage in a so called 'pinchpoint' trade, the MOD may have to resort to mobilising personnel who are unwilling and/or whose employers do not wish to release. Such mobilisation has taken place in support of operations in Afghanistan, Iraq and the wider Gulf region, however, the Armed Forces seek to keep the numbers of such mobilisations to an absolute minimum."

"From the moment the reservist receives a Call-Out Notice, he needs to consider what actions to take to put his affairs in order before he is obliged to report for mobilisation. A reservist may need to make financial provisions for his family or ensure that regular payments, rent or mortgage for example, will continue to be made while he is away."

"The legal basis for mobilisationThe Reserve Forces Act 1996 provides the legal basis under which mobilisation can take place.Under the Act, Call-Out can be authorised:by Her Majesty making an order 'if it appears to Her that national danger is imminent or that a great emergency has arisen; or in the event of an actual or apprehended attack on the UK' (Section 52) by the Secretary of State for Defence making an order 'if it appears to him that warlike operations are in preparation or progress' (Section 54) by the Secretary of State for Defence making an order 'if it appears to him that it is necessary or desirable to use armed forces on operations outside the UK for the protection of life or property; or on operations anywhere in the world for the alleviation of distress or the preservation of life or property in time of disaster or apprehended disaster' (Section 56) High Readiness Reserves (HRR) and Sponsored Reserves (SR) mobilisation is undertaken under different sections of the Act, as is Recall which is authorised under Sect 68. *Additionally, Transitionals come under RFA 80.

"The full article here;http://www.modoracle.com/?page=http://www.modoracle.com/news/detail.h2f?id=13262&category=all&refresh=5912A8C1-8801-405B-AA69DBD7E8969F2B

Not sure if you need to log in for this url - I linked from an email circular.

Now, I may be mistaken, but it is my guess that the Reserve forces act which preceded this one is different only in regard to Section 56 - "...use armed forces on operations outside the UK for the protection....etc.."

Excerpt from a UK Employment Law website;

BASIC POSITION

"The Reserve Force Act 1966 updates the law regarding call up of reservists generally and in the light of the end of the cold war in particular. It includes a new power of call-out for non-fighting purposes such as peacekeeping and humanitarian and disaster relief operations...." http://www.emplaw.co.uk/researchfree-redirector.aspx?StartPage=data%2f114001.htm

Just why would a government feel they had to take the extreme measure of calling a reservist up - soft conscription, if you will - for "peacekeeping and humanitarian and disaster relief operations"??

The act was brought into being by the Tories as the date betrays, in 1996. Why did they think it necessary to amend this crucial legislation, with its severe shift in emphasis?

North Kesteven fields ONE Labour candidate..

2007-05-03T14:39:00.000+01:00

....out of 23 wards.

Polling is expected to be low in all but the Sleaford Castle Ward, where the solitary, dismal Labour candidate will ensure voters will turn out to kick him. The Toad knows three people who are not voting simply because there is no Labour candidate to vote against.

What dreadful dross Labour are. The only people who vote for them are the hopelessly naive and the selfish Client Voters who rely on Labour to keep them in other people's money.

Bad news for Africa's Joe Ordinary

2007-04-30T22:21:00.000+01:00

Mugabe being feted by China's President Hu

An interesting article from Britain's The First Post;

Tazivei, a tough-looking 30 year-old, works at the S&M brickworks outside Harare, and he's just been paid. He should be a happy man, but he's not. He's covered in bites from lice, his hands and feet are corrugated with painful cracks, he works in filthy conditions and his pay is miserably low. Tazivei works for the Chinese.

The Chinese are Mugabe's new friends. China is currently the world's biggest investor in Zimbabwe, and Chinese-owned businessmen flourish here (the southern part of Harare has become known as China City). One of them is Mr Meng, who owns S&M.

Tazivei stuffs his pay in his pocket, and gestures around the brickworks. "Look at it. There are no toilets here. That's why it stinks. We have to go where we can. So most of us have got dysentery. The government knows, but it doesn't care."

He peels off his shirt to show me his back. It is pockmarked with bites. Lice and flies thrive here. He shows me scars, too. "We are given no protective clothes, no overalls or gloves or safety shoes."

Mr Meng isn't totally blind to his workers' needs. Occasionally he distributes Chinese-made plastic shoes, known here derisively as 'Zhing Zhongs'. They fall apart in a week.

Tazivei is a union member, but his senior regional officer, Alex Masarakufa, is helpless to change things. "Nothing much we can do," he told me. He means that Mr Meng and his countrymen are untouchable.

Zimbabwe's dependence on China is breathtaking. More than 35 different Chinese companies now operate in the country, and Chinese investment stands at US$600m. In return the Chinese are awarded mining concessions and acres of rich tobacco-growing land, much of which was grabbed from the white farmers for redistribution to black people.

Under one recent deal, China is to give Zimbabwe a US$58m finance facility, to purchase farming equipment, implements and tools. In return, Zimbabwe must send 110,000 tonnes of tobacco to China over two years. It'll be tough going for us. The Chinese strike a hard bargain.

http://www.thefirstpost.co.uk/index.php?menuID=2&subID=1723

Poor countries, and we're talking Africa here, are screwed, and have been for years, by their own, black, rulers. The overseas assets of the past and present ruling elite of Africa come to 141% of that continent's national debt. Political Correctness and Western Liberals have kept that particular elephant-in-the-room quiet for a long time.

China are muscling in on Africa in a big way. They won't directly or legally rule the Africans like we did, but the Africans will certainly know who's boss - they'll know who has the greenbacks. And they already know what the Chinese think of them - and that is; "you are subhuman".

Our (Britain's) rule, although morally wrong, on balance benefited Africans hugely. But then their rulers-in-waiting could see a better time ahead for the tiny minority that were........the rulers-in-waiting. And so it came to pass and the lives and welfare of the now rulers, did indeed increase greatly. But, as we all know, their charges' lot didn't fare so well. The rulers will also benefit greatly when China comes to town. But for the ordinary African, things are about to get a whole lot worse. And there are no sympathisers back in China to lobby for Africa's Joe Ordinary.

More electoral fraud from Labour....

2007-04-29T15:08:00.000+01:00

Labour - rotten to the core.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/uk/article1719968.ece

"In the car park the students were told to trawl the surrounding streets collecting postal ballot forms from voters and, if necessary, to help residents to complete their ballots. Hyde warned: “Put the postal vote form out of sight...Don’t get caught with any on you. We are not supposed to collect them.”
He appeared well aware of the ramifications of what he was suggesting. One of the students conspiratorially told the group he believed that what they were doing was “illegal”. Hyde responded: “Yes it is. But we’ve done 25% already, so...” "

I think that there is a deeper psychology behind Labour corruption. Britons, as an envious people and with a generally Left-leaning media, perceive the Tories as "them", the "Toffs" - and are apt to squeal loudly when the likes of Archer lies for personal gain. However, although Labour's squalid record in office has eclipsed any Tory wrong-doing many, many times over, there is that almost unconscious perception that Labour doesn't have any pretensions or obligation to honesty anyway - after all they're proles-in-power aren't they? - that's how they're supposed to act. There's no overt contradiction.

18 Doughty Street takes a retrograde step....

2007-04-28T23:12:00.000+01:00

I'd really like to interview this guy.......

This is an "interview" between Peter Tatchell and Matthew Collins, ex-BNP activist and Director of Searchlight's "Operation Wedge". The question that begs to be asked, in response to his allegation that the BNP would make life a living hell for ethnics is "which BNP policies would you identify, that support this claim". He further claims that the BNP would "seperate people on the grounds of their sexuality, race, etc..." He knows he can make this claim in the knowledge that he won't be asked to explain himself.

I heard that Tatchell and Yasmin Alibhai-Brown were given jobs on 18 Doughty Street and I thought it was a wind-up. I am incredulous that this new media (a promising and refreshing alternative to the Leftist-soaked "traditional" TV media) should recruit these dinosaur Liberals. What a negative and retrograde step. Shame.

These are the very same people, along with the BBC and the Guardian, who are desperate to regulate the blogosphere. Without the leg-up of State funding and state regulation, the Left wing blogosphere has assumed its rightful position: a scarcely-visited irrelevance. Meanwhile right-wing blogs, unfettered by thought policing and political correctness are attracting huge visitor numbers.

Goodbye Boris.................

2007-04-24T11:08:00.000+01:00

Luminary figures from around the world are paying their respects to Boris Yeltsin. President Bush said he "helped to lay the foundations of freedom in Russia". Lady T remarked: "He deserves to be honoured as a patriot and liberator."

The Toad is not in the slightest bit complimentary about the late Mr. Yeltsin. He was a cowardly egotist. Mikhail Gorbachev was the man who risked all to make democracy posssible, but understood - unlike Yeltsin - that The American Dream could not be realised overnight. Yeltsin's mantra - "we want it all, we want it now" - is to blame for much of Russia's present troubles.

Blair also said something on the matter, but as his utterances have now become so meaningless and devoid of currency, there's no point in repeating them here.

Up, up and away.......good ol' Easyjet.

2007-04-18T17:01:00.000+01:00

The Toad is going to seek cultural enrichment in Barcelona folks, and will be back on Monday. In the meantime, please think about cheap air travel and the enormous good it brings. Laugh at Greens and their luddite whining.

This could end in tears.

2007-04-16T18:04:00.000+01:00

I wish Jennifer Southall all the best. It gives one a good feeling to see someone who has struggled, finally throw off the shackles of worry and grind. Eight million pounds can improve your life. Or not.

http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/news/article-23392879-details/First+taste+of+champagne+for+Â£8m+lotto+winner/article.do

From the article linked above;

"After ten years working as a £5.85-an-hour cinema supervisor, the 43-year-old, who had never before tasted champagne or been on an aeroplane, has just one ambition - to spend, spend, spend.

Refreshingly, the divorced mother-of-three has already made plans that will make a big hole in her £8,372,751 fortune as she aims to fulfil her dream of a lifestyle to match those of the Hollywood superstars she has spent the last decade watching on-screen."

The article goes on;

"Among the sums either spent or already earmarked are:

Big house with swimming pool in Newport area - five bedroom property with 40ft covered swimming pool on market in nearby Caerleon - £675,000.

Spanish villa - four-bed property on Costa Blanca with private garden and pool - £300,000.

Holiday in Egypt - two weeks at a four-star resort in Sharm El Sheikh by the Red Sea for the whole family - £3,000 (and passports at £243).

Trip to New York - three nights at the stylish Bentley Hotel plus spending money for everybody - £6,000."

And it transpires that Jennifer has already been shopping: "I spent about £1,500 on clothes, phones, a new handbag and a posh pair of trainers....."

For Jennifer, one of the first inklings that money is not the only difference between those who have it and those that don't, will be when she notices that her fellow travellers in business class and her Costa Blanca and uptown-Newport neighbours, look upon her "posh" new trainers with something less than admiration.

I hope she realises that the money has already bought her a huge benefit: the cessation of worry. I also hope that she doesn't perpetually search for a Valhalla, to be found by spending - it ain't there.

Toad's brother and four of his mates shared a £1.25M win ten years ago. The ensuing anthropological study was salutary. The winner who went nuts spending on just about everything he thought he needed to make life great, was quickly disabused about the life-
enhancing powers of material goods. On the other hand, another of the winners bought his house outright (£50k in those days) and bought a modest car for £10k. The rest was invested and his boss agreed that he could work four days a week - every weekend a bank holiday. Karma.

If Oliver Reed had been a dog...............

2007-04-16T10:29:00.000+01:00

Click .gif if static

Go on...have a McDonalds

2007-04-13T21:50:00.000+01:00

Yes, I know - it's like eating cardboard. But you'd be striking a small blow against the mindless Victim Culture that seems to have such a hold over Liberal sensibilties in c21 Britain.

The most high-profile target of negative consumer pressure in Britain are the murdering paedophiles we have come to know as MacDonalds. At least that's what you'd think they were, if some people were to be believed. Their food may taste bland, but I used to love their coffee on the way to work. MacDonalds coffee with brown sugar and cream to start the day off. Not anymore though, because thanks to the Victims who hate MacDonalds for being the successful enterprise that they are, they no longer provide the cream that made the coffee "just so".

The whole bitch about MacDonalds seems to be about envy. From the few times I've been to a MacDonalds I've found that the "restaurant" always seems clean and the food preparation places seem sterile ( which gives you the impression that's where the food gets its blandness from). Toad's brother has been to a MacDonalds sanctioned abattoir and tells me that the place is immaculate with a member of Macdonald’s staff permanently on-site.

Who could say the same about the average kebab shop? Two years ago I succumbed to the British ritual of the Friday night kebab which apparently was lamb. The next morning I fished this thing out of the bin and had a good look at it - probably the only one I've ever examined sober. It was full of gristle and tiny pieces of hard matter which I suspect was bone. All of this was compacted into a rubberised mass which I think is generally called "reconstituted meat" - in other words garbage that has been powerwashed from carcasses. What traceability does this stuff have? Now if Morgan Spurlock had eaten this for 30 days he'd had done us all a favour. So, why don't we ever hear of protests or documentaries against such places? Well, perhaps because the proprietors are usually poor and/or immigrants rather that wealthy US corporations and are therefore seen as Victims in their own right rather than the easy target that MacDonalds are.

MacDonald's biggest crime is to be successful. Whenever I see "globalisation" protesters launching waste bins through a MacDonalds window, I can just about see the thought bubble above their lice ridden heads which says; "that's for reminding me how useless I am".

When I die............

2007-04-12T17:48:00.000+01:00

.........and if it turns out there's a heaven...and providing, of course, I'm admitted, I would like to spend my time in the afterlife sitting around this table.

I love this painting. It's called "Hip Hip Hurrah! Artists' Party at Skagen", by Peder Severin Kröyer, 1888.

Bad Architecture part I

2007-04-11T13:14:00.000+01:00

The architecture series will comprise of the Toad's judgemental and righteous views on some of Britain's buildings. There will be a Good Architecture series and a Bad Architecture series. Readers are welcome to send in their photos of buildings that they think would make good entries in either the good/bad architecture series.

In reaction to RIBA's member's policy of ignoring public - and therefore "ignorant" - views on their creations, there will be no Right of Reply to the Bad Architecture series, meaning that comments may be struck out even for just providing a counterpoint. It's unfair and it's meant to be.

We kick off the architecture series with Lincoln's favourite eyesore - The Lincoln School of Architecture (ironically).

A chap called Rick Mather is responsible for this gem. From RIBA News* "The University of Lincoln’s School of Architecture moved from Hull to Lincoln last year. The £10m building was designed by internationally renowned architect Rick Mather". What a wonderfully versatile word "renowned" is.

The Toad strongly suspects that Mr. Mather's design was the eleventh hour casualty of a cancellation of a US military contract for an accommodation unit in the Nevada desert. If it wasn't scarring the view in it's present location, readers would be able to see the magnificent medieval cathedral that it so effectively obscures.

Although the photo was taken on a cloudy day, the colour is faithfully off-white and yes, that lower section is bare breeze block. What the camera doesn't show very well is the top section weather-staining. Give it another couple of years and Mr. Mather's creation will blossom into the full-on, Sixties-revivalist icon that I assume it is meant to be.

The Toad has only ever met one man who likes the ghastly aberration and, you guessed it, he was an architect. The balance of respondents to Toad's enquiries (many scores of people), hate it.

However, in a twist of irony - from RIBA news again - : "The RIBA’s decision to relocate its East Midlands regional office to the University of Lincoln - at the heart of regeneration - will help to establish stronger links ....blah, blah..."*. So it would seem that some of RIBA's members will have the soul destroying prospect of having spend their working lives at Moonbase Alpha. There's some justice, at least.

*http://www.riba.org/go/RIBA/About/RIBAEastMidlands_4487.html

Taxation - we never learn

2007-04-10T09:27:00.000+01:00

The "Laffer Curve" is commonly cited as being the model best known for illustrating tax-take "efficiency", see here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laffer_curve

As you increase the amount of tax on an item or service, your tax-take correspondingly increases. Up to a point. As the amount of tax charged increases past a certain point, the higher charge for the item or service begins to affect sales of same. This has a detrimental effect on the tax-take until, of course, so much tax is levied that the tax-take actually decreases. The Toad is of the firm belief that in the area of alcohol and tobacco, we have been firmly on the right-hand side of the Laffer curve for many years. The irony being the consumption has remained the same.

Let's look at some historical examples. I'll quote from memory, so please excuse any inaccuracies.

Around 1780, Britain taxed tea at 119%. This meant only the rich had access to unadulterated tax-paid tea. The vast majority of tea drinkers consumed smuggled tea which was imported in great quantities compared to pukka tea. Very often this was bulked out with sawdust stained by lead and all other manner of nasty things. Crime was part and parcel of smuggling, including murder. Great profit was also part and parcel of smuggling. At the time we were short of warships to kill the French with, especially frigates. Many frigates were employed in customs work against the tea smugglers.

So, Pitt jnr says " 'old on, why don't we drop the duty on tea to 12.5%?" And so it was that the Commutation Act of 1784 at one stroke reduced the tax on tea from 119 per cent to 12.5 per cent. Result!! Crime due to tea smuggling practically disappears and revenues are soon restored and actually eclipse previous levels. The adulteration of tea with nasty colourings and sheep dung is diminished and there are more frigates to kill Frenchmen (huzzah!!). Everyone wins (apart from the French).

200 hundred-odd years later and after the example of prohibition in the States, we still don't learn our lesson. I live in Lincolnshire. If I want tax-free beer I can get it with no problem at about half of the price I would have to pay in a shop. Ditto for tobacco if I smoked. These contraband goods come via Dover as Hull is too expensive a route for the bootleggers to use. So, if someone half way up the East coast of England can make these savings, what is the deal in Kent? The deal is that the Kentish brewer Shepherd Neame export their beer to France, to be sold to British day-tourists. No revenue for Mr. Brown, decreased profits for Shepherd Neame and the nausea of the trek for the shopper. Everybody loses (apart from the French).

Technorati Profile

Scottish independence - scary for Scots Tories.

2007-04-09T16:20:00.000+01:00

This map is the political make up of the United Kingdom as of election night, 2005. As we can see, the area to the North of the Scots/English border is largely various shades of red and the area to the South is mostly blue. The North East of England is red, as is Merseyside. What all these areas have in common, is that they are peopled by the welfare-dependent. Since 1997, Labour have increased the public sector by some 800,000. Scotland has the highest proportion of it's workforce employed by government in the Western world*. At 23.5% that's even more than the notoriously socialised Denmark. The country with the strongest ratio is, predictably, the USA, with 14%. England comes in at a blubberly 20%. But you can bet that "England" in this instance actually means "England & Wales". Wales (another traditionally red area) would undoubtedly top the league if assessed as an independent nation.**

Should Scotland aquire independence, and I'm writing this from the perspective of someone who wishes them to have it, we will be in for interesting times ahead. I would not want to be self-employed or a money generator in the New Scotland. The SNP and Old Labour rule the roost North of the border - think Harold Wilson with a kilt.

Mr Salmon is also very keen to embrace the "European Ideal". Indeed, he envisages keeping Sterling for a couple of years and then embracing the Euro! In terms of national independence, it would appear Mr Salmon prefers the fire to the frying pan.

Talking of the EU, a newly independent Scotland will have to be very robust with Brussels. Lord knows, Westminster have rolled over and given in to the EU on occasions too numerous to mention. But a member state with a population of only five million and lots of black gold will appear much easier to intimidate and coerce than a net importer with a 52 million population. Germany has a mindset against nuclear power and the rest of Western Europe will increasingly be under pressure to pay the Russian Danegeld in the future years. How nice it would be if wee Scotland were to be "good Europeans". That invidious phrase "common resource" springs to mind........

*http://thescotsman.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=1636792005
**http://www.cf.ac.uk/carbs/econ/foreman-peckj/walesalternativepolicies.pdf

"Relative Poverty" - an essential tool of the Left.

2007-04-09T08:56:00.002+01:00

As everyone's standard of living increases with the relentless march of technology, socialists need bad news to keep their client voters unhappy. Enter "relative poverty" - as opposed to absolute poverty (ie real poverty). The way this term (and its subordinate term; “wealth gap”) has been sneaked in to everyday usage, it will soon be the orthodoxy in regard to assessing poverty. The beauty of this - for socialists at least - is that there will always be poverty.

There are people in genuine hardship, of course. Some people are mentally incapable of looking after themselves or disabled through no fault of their own and must be cared for - it is right, we are a caring society, after all. But I don't think that they are numerically sufficient for the poverty campaigners - there must be more. In 20 years time, even if the least wealthy of British people have the disposable income and quality of life currently being enjoyed by today's middle classes, you can be sure that they will still be in "poverty", for those on the Left who exploit them require that it is so.

I speak of those who over the years have traditionally exploited the worse-off in our society. They are the likes of the Labour Party of Great Britain and The Daily Mirror. These people see the exponential rise in everyone's living standards as a threat to their very existence. They feed the worse-off with disaffection in order to harvest the resulting envy and it's crop of votes and print sales. For these exploitative forces there must be poverty, even if there's no poverty.

On 27th Sept 2005, the Guardian's Micheal White, reporting on the Chancellor's Brighton speech, propagated a Gordon Brown lie: "Mr Brown focused his concern chiefly on children and blamed the Conservative legacy for Labour's grim inheritance of one in three children born into poverty". Under no stretch of the imagination could anyone believe that one third of children were born into poverty in 1997. Only that statistical conjurer's trick - relative poverty - could embolden a politician to make such a ludicrous claim.
But back to the present day and things aren't looking too good for our confident class warrior in number 11, as his liberal friends at the Guardian report: "....the government published the latest figures on poverty and inequality.

The statistics were bad news for Labour. In case you missed them, these were the headlines: child poverty was up by 100,000; absolute poverty was up; there was a widening gap between rich and poor."

Absolute poverty up, eh? Now that takes some doing.

Now THIS is an engine!

2007-04-08T11:09:00.000+01:00

I wish I could say that these photos were taken in somewhere in Manchester. Alas, no. These snaps were taken at the Sulzer plant in Japan. The first two are of a ten cylinder crankcase and liners and the bare crankshaft laying in the bottom half of the crankcase. The third photo is of a complete 12 cylinder engine. The biggest engine they make at this plant is a 14 cylinder unit making 102,000 hp. - apparently the most efficient diesel engine in the world. I must ask Audi if they could put one in my A6.

Cash for honours and honours for all.

2007-04-07T22:04:00.000+01:00

Pious rockstar Bono benefits from Labour's PR machine.

Every tribe since Adam has had an honours system. A member of the tribe performs good works, or acts valiantly and the tribe rewards that person with a medal or robe or stick or whatever. The value in that reward is that it is a symbol that is rare, respected by others and encourages some of the others to perform to their best so that they, in time, may also bear the reward. That is the logic behind the honours system in its purest form.

Of course, the British honours system has been subject to abuse for many years. But isn’t it a feature of this government that they have capitalised on the self-neutering of HM opposition (by way of their own example, when in power) to "go nuts" in terms of excess corruption? At the present rate, all the far-left activists of the 1970’s campuses who are now in power, will achieve their teenage ambitions to do away with the aristocracy-smelling honours system, by way of making the currency so weak that it effectively dissolves. But the real cynicism lies in the way they are benefiting from the sell-out at the same time. Cash for peerages is just the more blatant example.

The world of sport and celebrity are other examples of the exploitation of the honours system. Celebs are perhaps the most undeserving recipients of honours. People who preach about poverty and at the same time are wealthy icons of the drug scene which enslaves thousands of South Americans, don’t rank highly for my respect. Labour’s sickening cosying-up with the airheads at number 10 and 11 is well documented. What price Sir Mick Hucknall if Brown the Clown becomes PM?

Sport has its own honours system and it’s very efficient. When you win the race, you wait 30 minutes and then receive your honour. Simple. Imagine being told "you won the race and we’re going to give you the silver and bronze as well - next week". And so it was, that the victorious England rugby team, trooped in to see Betty, replete with grey suits and brown shoes and were duly given their MBEs. If they were given the choice, how many of them would choose to keep the MBE in preference to their World Champions’ gold medal? Situations like these are an open goal to corrupt politicians like New Labour. They cannot lose. In the hysterical aftermath of the win, Labour awarded the team their medals and shared in the reflected glow of success. Anyone who dared to draw attention to the pointlessness and cynicism of this exercise would have been immediately vilified by the red tops as unpatriotic or worse. But the most exploited people of all were the players themselves. It would have been impossible to decline the medal in the circumstances. To do so, would have put an incredible downer on any refusnik and he wouldn’t have been seen as snubbing Labour, but his team mates and good ol' Queeny.

This short term and cynical political gain sets long term precedents though doesn’t it?. When the England cricket team win the Ashes, how can they be refused their gongs? So, off they go for a photo with Betty and Labour are seen to be doing the right, patriotic thing. But when you play false, matters are likely to return to bite you. The Australian cricketers are all members of the Commonwealth and are therefore eligible to receive MBEs too. No prizes for guessing why are they not being honoured after they whitewashed England earlier this year. There's no reflected glory for Blair.

The honours system, a potentially good thing - wrecked by corrupt and unprincipled politicians.

Is it wrong?

2007-04-07T21:05:00.000+01:00

Is it wrong to give your girlfriend's breasts names?

I first did this with a girlfriend some years ago and she giggled a bit. But the present Toad girl doesn't think much of it. At all. I suggested Bertha and Brenda, because they sound like big ol' gals, which is apt as it happens. But Toad girl is a feminist - she was brainwashed by that bloke on Radio 4, Laurie Taylor, when she was at York university some 20 odd Summers ago. The above photo is not of Toad girl's chest, but I'll be single regardless if she ever sees this blog.

Scunthorpe........world's end?

2007-04-07T15:45:00.000+01:00

I took this photo a couple of years back, out of sheer morbidity. As the letters on the side of the building indicate, this is a hotel. But no ordinary hotel. This is a Scunthorpe hotel and what is special about it, is that it perfectly captures the mood of the whole town. I swear to God that all my mental images of Scunthorpe are stored in my brain in various shades of grey. I remember thinking, when I took the snap, I really want to go in through the doors to reception and ask the girl if anyone actually stayed there. But Scunthorpe women are prone to acts of violence using glass objects, so I thought better of it.

Those in the know, please comment: which is the most unpleasant Lincolnshire town, Gainsborough or Scunthorpe?

Read this book.....

2007-04-07T14:37:00.000+01:00

.....or you'll get cancer.

I laughed my silly little head off reading this light-hearted, but essentially accurate send-up of the circus that is Blair politics. It also prompted me to contemplate the similarities between Jeffrey Archer and Tony Blair.

The best fish 'n' chips....

2007-04-07T13:45:00.000+01:00

Lincolnshire is the fish 'n' chip capital of the world. I once met a chap who said: "Yorkshire has all the best fish and chip shops". With total confidence that no court would convict me, I took half a step back, sprang forward and struck him hard with a clenched fist to his throat. "You sir", says I, "are a confounded liar". He said nothing in reply - the silent testimony of the guilty, I suppose.

Haddock and chips from the late Mrs. Longden's in Upton village certainly were the best, when the venerable old soul was still shovelling coal into her 1930's fryer. Her nephew carries on with the business, I'll let you know if they're still the world's no. 1 when I've reviewed them again. Grimsby has a plethora of very good fish 'n' chip shops. My favourite in Lincoln is the Elite on Tritton Road. Mr. Chips in Louth are good too. These places are the tops - Rick Stein ain't in it.

Whatever you do, don't eat fish 'n' chips in the sweating, groaning, hell-holes that pass for holiday resorts on Lincolnshire's East coast. They cater for the troglodyte masses of Nottinghamshire and South Yorkshire, who think that what they're eating is "reet gud" on the simple premise that it isn't gruel. You eat fish 'n' chips from Skeggy for a week and you'll be dead within the year. Fact.

The worst fish and chips are to be found in the South - no arguments. Scotland comes a creditable second place in the worst-fish-n-chips-in-Britain league. Roll on independence and then with a leader called "Salmon", they might pass the "Closure of Poor Chippies Act" (2007).

Comments welcome (apart from outright lies - see para 1).

A waste of money.

2007-04-07T13:25:00.000+01:00

Here in Lincoln, we have a brand new university. The City Council were desperate to have a university and so were the bars and clubs of the City. So were the builders and landscapers and architects and everyone else who would benefit from this project. But did the country need another university to accommodate another 5000 students?

A quarter of a century ago, when someone went to university in Britain, you stopped and shook their hand - well done - it was something of an achievement. Now do you feel the same way when someone tells you their son or daughter is going to university? They might as well tell you "my son's going to the shops this afternoon" for all the impression it makes.

Our universities, especially the new ones, are full of kids who wouldn't have made the grade 25 years ago. In pursuit of Blair's goal of 50% of all school leavers going through a university education, 'A' level standards have been dramatically lowered and the academic standards of the new universities are well below that of Oxbridge, Imperial or Bath. And they need to be. Without these establishments who will "take anyone", we could never meet Mr. Blair's goals. But it also means that Mr. Blair's goals become meaningless if a student misses out on three years of work in the real world only to obtain a degree in sociology (which is nigh on impossibleto fail) and face the world of work with his/her head full of crap and a life-outlook strongly influenced by Marxist professors. I can't imagine a worse start in life in a first world country. Just take a look at the amount of soft degrees in sociology, humanities, arts, media and other liberal topics that our kids are taking:http://www.ucas.ac.uk/figures/ads.html#subject .

Does Britain need thousands of graduates fit only for non-jobs in the public sector or MacDonalds? A further development that has been brought about by this grand project has been the introduction of tuition fees. The ballooning of the university sector has been accompanied by a corresponding inflation in costs (of course). Once, in this country, you went to university free of charge if you met the strict academic requirement. It was seen as an investment in the State by the State. Now some kids who are bright enough to go to a good university and complete a physics degree are opting not to as they are daunted by the prospect of their debt. And to top that, some New Labour genius recently proposed that those who the State knows have possession of a degree should not be allowed to draw a pension until the age of 70, to take into account that they are likely to have earned more money for less physical work in their lives. If you're not from these shores and find that last point a little hard to believe, go here: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/4570151.stm

I can't think of a more glaring example of the law of opposite effect than Mr. Blair's university project. My solution would be the wholesale closure of half of Britain's universities (including Lincoln, in 114th place from 122 in the Guardian's league table) In the remaining universities there would be as many places as there is demand for degrees in the sciences, medicine, engineering and other productive areas. University places for subjects in the arts and social sciences and all other soft degrees would be tightly capped at around one tenth of current figures. All these would be free. Only those studying law would pay for their degrees. All applicants would have to pass muster at an 'A' level standard which has reverted to 1970's Cambridge syllabus standard. We would adopt the American system of making school children re-take grades (or years) if they fail to come up to scratch and haven't put the effort in - there's nothing like the prospect of stigma to concentrate the mind.Not only would we have a better, more respected university system, we would also wipe out - at a stroke - many of the breeding grounds for liberal sentiment and ideals which have created amongst other disasters, "multiculturalism", the dependency culture and perhaps, in future, the abolition of the existence of failure (in favour of "deferred success"). In short, let's attack the Berkeley disease with the same vigour with which we attacked smallpox.

TAT

Welcome to my blog

2007-04-07T13:05:00.000+01:00

Yes, welcome to my blog. That is, unless you're a liberal. If you're a liberal, please close your browser and leave your house (if you have one). Walk to the nearest bridge. Hurl self off. Thank you.

Everyone else - greetings!! Comment moderation is off, so I guess I'll leave it that way, until things start getting crazy.

I am a right-of-centre, self employed, anarcho-capitalist who likes red wine perhaps a bit too much. Oh yes, I'm English and proud of what that used to mean.